Rubbish Occupations

When you were round about eight, your parents would sooner or later use the “if you don’t study hard, you’re going to be a garbage man”. Heck, you might have believed it and studied till your eyes watered and your brain burst out of its skull. Now, as you read this, you should already know that this situation is not possible. You can’t possibly be a garbage man. You can’t expect to have that job by not studying. To start with, to be a garbage man, you’d have to be round about 5’6” and of South Asian blood. Be honest, when have you seen a China man cleaning your trash?

Next to never! Yes, I do hint a certain racial requirement to be a garbage man in Singapore. But that’s also because the Chinese are mostly doing retail and F&B jobs. And your Thais are all doing construction. But that’s not the point. Have you seen a Singaporean actually clearing his own damn trash? Not me. All the garbage collectors I know are all foreign. Why’s that?

Curious isn’t it? Due to job outsourcing, you can’t even get a job as a garbage collector! Nope, that goes to foreigners. Irony is that many of us area already garbage collectors. I’ve got five caps I don’t wear and multiple sets of stationery lying around my desk, never to be held or used, effectively collecting dust and bugs. Face it, I’ve been typing everything. If you’re reading this, chances are you type everything too. (Tablet PCs don’t count as writing)

Back to being part of garbage disposal, you’ve got better chances working in NTUC than being a garbage man. Maybe Daddy should have said “study hard or else you’ll be working for NTUC!” Then again it’s not as intimidating and rather mild for a threat. Makes no sense and it will never work out.

Another stupid threat was the “if you’re naughty, the karang guni/Indian man will come and take you away.” Two things wrong with this. One, where does this karang guni or Indian man come from? Out of nowhere, appearing out of the ground like spawn from hell and suddenly decides, “Hmm, he/she looks bad enough, I’ll take him/her!”? Another issue I have with this threat is the grounds of which this man would want you for himself. For starters, unless you’re female, slim built, nice ass, thin waist, busty and able to cook well, there is no reason for some demon pop out of nowhere to take you away.

Next time Mommy tells you to study hard or you’ll be a garbage collector, tell her you’d be lucky and privileged to even get the job. Or get a job as a garden gnome.